


Sunrise in Berlin

by bamfleur



Category: The Man in the High Castle (TV)
Genre: Berlin - Freeform, F/M, I'm bad at tagging idk, joe is precious and must be protected, joeliana, meeting each other again, post season 2-ish
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-05-22
Updated: 2017-05-22
Packaged: 2018-11-03 20:34:35
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,705
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10974846
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/bamfleur/pseuds/bamfleur
Summary: Takes place end of season 2/season 3. What would have happened if Juliana went to Berlin instead of Obergruppenführer Smith with the film, and met Joe again.





	Sunrise in Berlin

**Author's Note:**

> First of all, I just finished binge-watching The Man in the High Castle, and felt some serious urge to write about Joeliana, especially since they didn't met once in s2! This might be continued, and maybe even grow into a full story, but I'm not sure yet - so far it's just a drabble. Secondly I apologize in advance for my errors (I don't have a beta) and if some things might not exactly be how they happened in the tv show, its due to my forgetfullness :')

 

„Joseph? There’s a girl here to see you.”

Joe looked up from reading his newspapers. A girl? It could only be Nicole. Maybe she had forgotten something here last night. “Did she say what she wanted?” “Not exactly. She refused to give me her name. She wanted to see you, and only told me to pass on two words: Sunrise diner.” Frau Silvia, the housekeeper, couldn’t quite hide her puzzlement. “Sunrise diner?”, he asked. “I’ve never heard of it. “Frau Silvia shrugged. “I didn’t want to let her in, at first. She doesn’t have an appointment after all. But she was quite persistent and always repeated: “Tell him. Sunrise diner. He will know.” Frau Silvia looked questioningly at him.

“I’m sorry. What-“ He paused. Stopped. Thought.

 _Sunrise Diner._ A shabby, little café, somewhere what seemed like an eternity ago and a million of lightyears away. Canon City. Neutral zone. He had told nobody about the café, not even Obergruppenführer Smith. There was only one person with whom he had a connection to it. But it was impossible.

“Could you…”, he said, his voice suddenly far rougher than he wanted, “Describe her to me?” Frau Silvia furrowed her brows. “Of course, Joseph. She’s slim, dark haired, pretty, around your age…”

Impossible. But enough.

He jumped up so fast, he spilled his drink. He didn’t care about Frau Silvia’s shocked face, or the broken glass on the floor; as he stormed to the door. He ran down the stairs, full of fear because he didn’t dare hope yet. She was dead, of course, but that description…. _Juliana._ It couldn’t be her. She had been shot while running away from the resistance- Obergruppenführer John Smith had said it, there was just _no way-_

He took two steps in one, sprinting down the stairs leading to the impressive main entrance. The blood rushing in his ears drowned out any other sounds. _Maybe, maybe, maybe_ it seemed to sing, thundering along his veins in time. His heart was beating so hard against his ribcage he thought it might burst. He took the last turn, wiping his sweaty hands at his trousers.

Then he saw her - A beautiful, slim woman, dressed in a simple coat. He could recognize her anywhere. He skidded to a halt.

“Joe.”

His name felt like a punch in his gut and he couldn’t breathe. Nobody called him by that name here in Germany.

“Juliana.” It only came out in a whisper.

Slowly, he came nearer, not blinking because he was too afraid of this only being a delusional daydream, maybe he had been taking some drugs before? Every thought vanished into a mist of nothingness, all he could focus on was the girl before him. Three steps. Two steps. One step.

She had a cut going down the right side of her cheek, but apart from that she seemed unharmed, although even thinner than when he had last seen her. If they had even laid a finger on her… Rage was rising in his chest, but he fought it down. Alive. She was alive, and as beautiful as ever. Finally, he stood in front of her.

“It’s you.”, he breathed. He could feel his eyes starting to burn. “I thought you were dead.” Slowly, he raised his hand, and left it hovering in front of her cheek. He could feel the warmth radiating from underneath, but he was afraid to touch her. _What if this is not real?_ _They said she was dead._ Steel blue eyes met his, and then he could feel a hand touching his own, gently pressing it against the pale skin. Warm. It was warm, and Joe exhaled shakily. “You- You are really here.” _It can’t be. It can’t be._ “They told me you were dead. They told me you got- “, his voice was cracking, “- shot. It’s my fault.”

Her other free hand hesitantly moved up to his face, and softly cupped it. When she spoke, her gaze was steady and sure. “Listen to me, Joe. I’m alive. I’m well. It’s _not_ your fault. I don’t know what they told you, but whatever it was, it was a lie.” _Those people on the boat who saved me were not a lie. I killed them all. I killed you._

She stiffened, and Joe realized he had spoken aloud. Fear crawled into his heart like the night. She looked at him with something in her eyes, something cold he couldn’t quite place, as if she were fighting with herself, one side screaming _Nazi traitor, he deserves to die,_ the other side pleading _Don’t go, please don’t go_. “I wanted to save them. I swear, I thought I had saved them.”, he managed to croak out. The clock ticked by, and she didn’t move. Her hand on his face felt like a burning iron. Then she drew in a shuddery breath. “Okay.” “Okay what?” “I believe you.” “You- You do?” Joe couldn’t keep the astonishment out his words. _Everyone in their right mind would not believe me. How – how can she…_ Juliana smiled softly. “After all you have done…”

Joe didn’t know if he wanted to shout of joy that he hadn’t lost her – again - or put a bullet in his brain for everything he _had_ done. He was a selfish, egoistic bastard, and yet she still, somehow, saw something in him. Something good. “You don’t know the first thing about me.”, he said with a painful smile. “I’ve looked away so often. I’ve known of so many horrors, Juliana – and you know what I did? Nothing.” The memories brought back a bitter taste to his mouth. “Nothing”, he repeated. He let his hand fall from her cheek and looked away. He couldn’t bare her intense gaze.

“That’s not true. You saved my life. You could have ratted out half of the resistance in San Francisco- but you didn’t. You are far from someone who idly sits by and does nothing.”

 _Lies, lies, lies._ “Someone who idly sits by and does nothing, huh?” He laughed humourlessly. “I’m sorry to disappoint you, but that’s exactly who I am.”

“No! You are strong, and selfless-“

“Don’t tell me what I am!”, he suddenly roared, and took a step back. A shocked silence followed. Juliana stared at him with a mix of hurt and surprise on her face. Joe ignored that longing to have her hands touch him again. “Sorry.”, he said roughly, “It’s just… The Nazis, they... Let’s just say living in third Reich is like a dream, until you one day wake up and can’t go back to sleep anymore. But you _have to_ close your eyes, because otherwise you would be living in a nightmare.” He gulped down the raising bile.

“Dangerous words for someone who is the son of one of the most powerful Nazis in the Reich.”, Juliana said. Her eyes wandered around the foyer, as if checking for hidden cameras and microphones. “Tell me what happened.” He wanted to ask her other things, starting with why the hell she was _here,_ in Berlin, how she was alive, what had happened to her, but something told him that had to wait. Her tone asked for the truth, and out of all things, that was what she deserved the most.

So he told her. About his mum. About her incurable disease. About how they had put her to sleep forever, and about how he had sat next to her and done nothing. Not even protested once.

“I could have saved her,”, he said bitterly, “But I did nothing. What’s even worse is that I thought it was the only way. That it had to be done.” He expected her to back away in disgust and hatred, but she didn’t. Instead, she breathed: “Joe. You were a _kid._ You only did what you did, because you’ve been told – _everyone_ here is being told that that’s the way how to deal with it. How could you have known any better? How could you have saved her?” “I don’t know. But I damn well could have tried.” “You were eight! You were brainwashed!” It came back with surprising vehemence. Joe said nothing, waited, though he could feel cracks starting to appear in the wall he had built around him.

When Juliana spoke again, she was calmer. “I believe… Even if I don’t know you that well… I believe you sure as hell try a lot harder than most of the people I’ve met. The resistance, they fight for their cause because it’s the right thing to do. But you, on the other hand – You fight because you believe in the _goodness_ in persons. And that’s rare.”

Each of her words hit him like a bullet, piercing through the hopelessness in his heart. How was it that she still looked at him with warmth and understanding in her eyes?

“I don’t deserve forgiveness.”, he said, and this time he didn’t even bother to keep the pain out of his voice. But Juliana only looked at him with a raw expression, it was as if she let her light shine on his dark shithole of a soul, and every inch of him shuddered under it. “But I still give it to you.”

His knees went weak, and he felt himself sinking to the ground, but there were arms around him- strong, warm arms who hugged him and Juliana went down with him, as he finally collapsed and cried on her shoulder. It was like the dam finally broke – All the sorrow, anger and guilt which he had always pushed deep down to play the Nazi, broke out of him, and he lost himself in the soothing murmur of her voice, and the intoxicating scent of her perfume. _Sorry, I’m so sorry,_ he mumbled over and over again between his sobs, face buried in her dark hair. Joe wept. Wept for all those souls lost, wept for the lie and darkness his world had become, but he also wept for the miracle of life, for it brought hope even at the most painful of times.

And Juliana never went away, never left him, just held him as tightly as he had held her all those months ago in Canon City.

 

 


End file.
